Alas, poor MySpace, I knew him, Horatio… (Come on, it’s from Hamlet)

Posted by Josh Boldman | Filed under Life, Thoughts

Ok, see if you can guess what these three things have in common (man, I haven’t played TriBond in forever!!):

• One Million Dollars
• A Third Hand
• A MySpace Account

Give up? The commonality that links these three seemingly unrelated things together is… I don’t have any of them!

I certainly don’t have a million dollars or a third hand, but as of today (or sometime within the next 48 hours, according to my confirmation email), I no longer have a MySpace account. Now, I know, some of you might be thinking, “BUT WHY???” So, for your reading pleasure, I’ve compiled a short list of reasons that we should all perhaps delete our accounts from that seemingly innocent “place for friends”:

1. I really haven’t gotten a worthwhile, life altering, point-of-view changing comment on my MySpace page since… forever
2. Since I’m married (and it said so on my profile), you’d think that MySpace would know that and stop showing my ads for meeting “Singles in the Orlando Area.”
3. Adding to #2, I really think that if MySpace were truly a “place for friends,” then the girls in the advertisements would have a LOT more clothing on. I don’t have any friends that dress like that.
4. As far as meeting “friends,” when was the last time you ever heard of someone meeting someone else from MySpace and that being a good thing? (I’ve personally never met anyone from MySpace, but my guess is that you’ve got a 50/50 shot of it turning out to be Chris Hansen or someone from Perverted Justice)
5. I’m pretty sure that the average MySpace user is somewhere between the age of 12 and 12 1/2 years old (although on their profile, it is listed as 99 years old from Albequerque, NM) and I no longer find myself in that demographic (thank goodness, because I can no longer afford that much Strydex).
6. It just seems that I’ve got a better chance of connecting with old friends (which is really the point, isn’t it?) on Facebook or even, God forbid, on the phone (do people still use those?).

So world, consider this my “Hanging up of the MySpace towel.” It is over. Finished. Fin (but not the kind that dolphins have).

Tags: better chance, chris hansen, common man, commonality, confirmation, facebook, goodness, guess, meeting friends, myspace page, old friends, one million dollars, orlando area, perverted justice, point of view, reading pleasure, unrelated things, when was the last time, worthwhile life